I started Monday off with a call to negotiate on behalf of a client. The other party was unwilling to have a reasonable conversation about settlement. After the call I thought to myself, "what a jerk."
On Tuesday I was drafting a document, and I felt I was in over my head. After working on it for a couple of hours, I felt completely depleted. The well had gone dry. But I knew I had to get it done, so I powered through it. I finally finished and thought, "what a chore."
As I reflect on these moments, I have to wonder about my choices—how do I manage to cause this day-to-day tension and conflict?
I believe that it comes down to what I was mining. On the telephone call, I was mining for blame and found plenty of it to cast onto the other party. While writing, I was mining for the experience to be easy, and I became exacerbated when my expectations weren’t met. In both instances, mining for such things left me feeling that there was no inherent value in these tasks besides the money I was receiving to accomplish them. But an empowering mindset requires a more thoughtful approach. It comes down to a conscious choice: I can mine gold out of any experience.
If I look through that lens, my phone call from Monday takes on a different shape. I recognize that when the other party uses stonewalling tactics, my best course of action is to exercise patience. And as I recall the document, I recognize that when I'm working myself to the point of depletion, my best course of action is to check in with myself and take the actions necessary to replenish the well.
It's easy to default to a cynical view of the world. Jerks and chores are pervasive, leaving me to play their victim as I suffer through them. But if I choose to mine the gold, such experiences are my teachers, guiding me—however roughly—to a better version of myself.
