Networking relationships are odd. One would hope that you actually like your referral sources, that their company brings you pleasure, that you share something of a friendship with them. But the truth is, if they suddenly switched professions and were no longer in a position to refer clients to you, they probably wouldn't get onto your lunch calendar. After all, the foundation of a business relationship is the potential business you can do together. Take that away and all you have is a likable but ineffective referral source.
So, when it becomes apparent that someone in your network is not going to send you business, you have three options:
- Dodge their calls and hope that they go away.
- Tell them "We need to talk" and "Things aren't working out" and "We should just be friends."
- Meet with them and establish mutual business expectations for the relationship.
Whenever I've become friendly with someone who I thought would evolve into a productive ally, but didn't, I've had to assess: Was this relationship personally valuable to me? When the answer was "yes," I've opted for #3 and addressed it. I must tell you—those were challenging conversations, but they were always worthwhile. Without exception, the potential referral source had no idea of my expectations around reciprocity. Sometimes we worked it out, sometimes we didn't (and we stopped networking), but the conversation always clarified the dynamics of the relationship so that we could move on and find more compatible connections.
So, if you find yourself waiting for some of your referral sources to refer, ask yourself if you're modeling the behavior you're looking for in them. Because if you're tired of contributing to a taker, it's time to have "the talk."
